Not making the decision isn’t the issue. The issue is not even having the option of making the decision.
It’s not that I don’t like double negatives, it’s just that they can sometimes be tricky to navigate—much like decision making. And boy, was this last year ever a year for decision making.
Five years ago, when we moved down to Nashville to serve the Church in her mission of making disciples with LifeWay Leadership, I never thought we’d be back up in Canada this soon. In fact, we had just gotten permanent residency in the States, which was a long, complicated, and expensive process.
But last Fall, Christina and I began sensing that change was on the horizon. There was this unsettledness in our hearts that couldn’t be explained. We loved everything about our lives in Nashville. Our community was incredible, our church was healthy and growing, our podcast was impacting marriages and families, and my work at LifeWay was affecting and changing church practice. I was also in the middle of writing my third book, while continuing to accept invitations to speak on my previous one. In other words, there was no human reason for us to move, or even consider a change—especially if you’re an Enneagram 3 like I am. In fact, I even heard some people remark that I had their dream job.
So you can probably anticipate how surprised I was when, only a few months later, Christina and I started praying about coming back to Beulah Alliance Church—especially since it was in the middle of an Edmonton winter (#ifyouknowyouknow). And to be crystal clear, this wasn’t some trite little “prayer” that we carelessly tossed up to God. No, this was one of those all-hands-on-deck, get-on-your-knees, everything-is-up-for-grabs, I-can’t-believe-I’m-actually-praying-this kind of prayer.
Here’s why it was one of those prayers.
When Keith Taylor, the Lead Pastor of Beulah for the last 28 years, asked us to pray about coming back, it wasn’t just to fill a gap. He had been asking God to unsettle the right person’s heart who was going to come alongside him and lead Beulah into the future.
Unsettle?
Now I’m no expert in making decisions, but there are certain moments when there are one too many “coincidences” to just let things pass by without some serious reflection and prayer—and this was one of those moments.
I love the image that our friends Kevin and Rea Queen shared with us about discernment and decision making. When a gardener wishes to move a plant, he is going to first dig and prepare the hole that the plant is going to be moved into. It’s only after that place is ready, that the gardener begins to gently unsettle the soil around the plant—until it’s ready to come out.
God is the great gardener, and if you’re in the midst of a transition where you feel like you are being uprooted out of your context, perhaps you need to trust the fact that God has already begun preparing a place for you.
This is because God is a good Father (Luke 11:11-13). And he is for you and not against you (Romans 8:31).
In seasons of transition, your primary responsibility isn’t to strategically outline all possible avenues forward, which has typically been my default go-to method. No, your primary responsibility is to look to and trust in the One who knows all possible avenues forward. In other words, the best thing you can do is to surrender. I’m not referring to some passive laissez-faire approach to life and decision making. I’m talking about actively surrendering your good ideas for God’s best idea for your life.
And surrendering not only includes your plans, but it also includes your timeline.
After all, isn’t waiting the hardest thing about discernment?
All in all, it was a six month process of discernment for us. There were many points along the way where we just wanted to call it and make the decision—one way or the other—since living in limbo sometimes feels like the worst. But as we were actively surrendering our good plans for God’s best plan, we knew that God was calling us to wait.
For us, the difficulty wasn’t in making the decision, it was not even having the option of making the decision—since God was calling us to wait.
As we were nearing the end of the process, Christina recommended this wonderfully insightful book to help clarify our thoughts, our desires, and our motives. It’s The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman.
At the end of the book, Freeman mentions that in seasons of discernment, it’s helpful to evaluate what the process of discernment has done to your relationship with God and the relationships of those around you. If there’s an increasing measure of strife in your relationship with others, and you seem to be filled with more anxiety than peace, and a desire for control than surrender, then perhaps the thing that you are seeking after isn’t God’s best for your life.
However, if you’ve drawn nearer to the Lord, are filled with a greater measure of peace and surrender, and the relationships around you are stronger and healthier, then perhaps God’s will has already been accomplished in your life? And the result is secondary?
What if the process of discernment is more important than the outcome? And what if God is more concerned with the person you’re becoming, than the place you’re going, or some decision that needs to be made?
Next week I’ll share the role of a call in decision making, and how that played a part for us in moving back to Edmonton (and why we’re so incredibly excited to be back), but until then, I want to leave you with this question.
Are you willing to surrender your good ideas for God’s best idea for your life?
Or, is being in control and making a decision more important for you?