There are wrong ways to do things, and then there’s my way to do things—so make the right choice.
Have you ever said that to your children or to those you’re discipling? Or perhaps you’ve thought about saying it to your spouse, but quickly made the wise decision to keep your mouth shut?
When it comes to change, we often forget to take our own advice.
We end up telling others to do as we say, not as we do. The reason we’re hypocrites is because of the habits that are already ingrained in our hearts and lives.
In Darryl Dash’s book, How to Grow: Applying the Gospel to all of your life, he describes this dilemma aptly: “Growth is possible, and God promises He will change us. But we’re often frustrated because we’re not changing as quickly or as much as we’d like. Is it possible we’ve been going about it in the wrong way?”
In his book, he lists a few wrong ways that we go about change:
- “New information—We read books, watch videos, listen to sermons, and attend Bible studies. We think that new information will change us. When this doesn’t work, we go looking for even more information. We become knowledgable, but we often don’t change. We become educated beyond the level of our obedience.”
- “Big goals—We also set big goals to start or stop behaviors. We want to read the Bible every year, but then get stuck in Leviticus. We want to stop surfing social media, but find ourselves scrolling through once again in a moment of boredom, avoidance, or procrastination.”
- “Willpower—We think we need more willpower, but find it doesn’t last as long as we’d like. Some argue that willpower is quickly depleted. Others argue that we can learn to increase our willpower, and boost it when it’s weak. Either way, willpower can help us, but it can’t create the consistent, sustainable change we want in our lives.”
So how do we grow?
Darryl suggests three core gospel habits, which are consistent with the input goals and research on growth and discipleship as outlined in my book, No Silver Bullets.
Core Habit One: Reading or Listening to the Bible
To build a habit of reading the Scriptures, Darryl suggests to find the why, start small, pick a format, use tools, and read or listen with others. After all, without spending time with the Lord daily in His Word, how can we ever expect to change?
Didn’t the Apostle Paul put it aptly? “For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do.” (Romans 7:18-19 CSB).
When we spend time with the Lord in his Word, the Holy Spirit will change us from the inside out.
Core Habit Two: Prayer
I love the way Darryl puts it,
I’m learning that prayer is about coming to God with our helplessness and the mess of our lives. It means telling God exactly what’s on our minds and asking for His help. I want to come to God all put together; God wants me to come to Him as I am. Jesus died for the real you, so come to God with the real you. Come with your temptations, struggles, doubts, and anxieties. Come confessing that you don’t want to pray. Come as you are….Our mistake is that we tend to see prayer as duty rather than a delight. We should approach God not because we have to, but because we get to. He loves us. He cares for us. He invites us into relationship with Him. God actually wants to hear what’s on our minds.
Core Habit Three: Pursue Worship and Fellowship Within a Church Community
This last habit is so important, especially in our day and age where church attendance is being increasingly seen as an optional matter—coming second place to vacation, sports, and time on the lake. If it’s true that a healthy church is the hermeneutic of the gospel, as Lesslie Newbigin put it, how can this lost world ever taste and see the gospel without the people of God gathering regularly and living out the one anothers as the Church?
I love how Darryl sums up these three core gospel habits by talking about the core:
It’s not enough to read or listen to the Bible, pray, and pursue worship and fellowship within a church community. If we miss the point, these practices can be dangerous, not helpful. If we read Scripture just to check off the box, pray without pursuing relationship with God, or attend a great church out of routine or obligation rather than intentional engagement, we won’t grow, and we’ll conclude that these practices don’t work.
Of course we should still read our Bible and go to church even when we don’t feel like it, but we should be aiming for genuine, heartfelt, and earnest (internal) engagement with these core habits that goes far beyond going-through-the-motions (external) engagement.
Don’t just practice these habits by going through the motions. Engage your core. Seek God, not just the habits themselves.
If you feel stuck or stagnant in your spiritual life, or you have others around you who are, then be sure to pick up a copy of How to Grow: Applying the Gospel to all of your life by Darryl Dash.