Disciplining your children is probably one of the most controversial topics in our society today. Every culture has a different norm or standard for what’s okay or not. Not only that, but the times have changed from when we were kids so that everyone is pretty much tip toeing around the issue.
For example, did you hear the recent story about a mom using hot sauce and cold showers to discipline her child? Click here to read about it, or check out this video below.
This post is not meant to be THE ANSWER to all your questions, but rather a starting place or a place of resource as you determine what your disciplining style will be for your family.
Rather than doing the whole hot sauce and cold shower thing, what about this method for disciplining?
Here’s a solution for a perpetually messy bedroom: Explain to your child, “I cannot bear to look at this room anymore — it’s too messy! I’m going to turn off the circuit breaker so I can’t see it. When it’s clean enough for me to tolerate, let me know and I’ll turn your power back on.”
Haha, okay that’s pretty funny and I guess that would only work during the day time. Nevertheless, the need to discipline is a real issue and here are some reasons why we should discipline our children:
- It teaches our children the biblical principles of sowing and reaping.
- It teaches our children how to think about the consequences and implications of what they say and do.
- It is an opportunity to show our children how God disciplines us and shapes us through our disobedience. It’s an opportunity for our children to discover how God is merciful and just.
- It’s an opportunity to remind our children about our sinful nature and how much we need Christ in our life
- It’s an opportunity to show our children how much we love them. Here’s a caveat while you read the following verses. I am not advocating the use of physical weapons to discipline our children! In these verses, we have to figure out what “the rod” means. “The rod” is all about discipline, so in our present context, that could be a time out, a spank, etc. but definitely not the use of physical weapons!!!
- “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Proverbs 13:24 NIV)
- “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15 NIV)
- “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”(Proverbs 23:13–14 NIV)
- “Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.” (Hebrews 12:6–8 NIV)
So here are some discussion questions that you can work through with your spouse or friends:
- How did your parents discipline you? How has this influenced the perspective you take on disciplining your children?
- When should you start disciplining your kids?
- If your children are old enough, then what’s the most effective method of disciplining that you’ve encountered? If your children aren’t old enough to be disciplined, what are you thinking about doing to discipline them?
- What are your thoughts on praying after disciplining your children?
Remember that you are a tangible representative of God to your children – love and discipline them accordingly.
In Have a New Kid by Friday, Dr. Leman says that you don’t need to have a Ph.D. or a lot of money to be a good parent. Instead, he says, “You have all you need. You know the biggest secret of all: Your child wants to please you. She can’t stand it when she knows you are unhappy with her. She wants to know you are a team.” Nurture this desire your child has to please you by loving her well. Then, discipline will be much easier for both of you and your child will respond more positively to the creative discipline techniques Dr. Leman provides.
Here are some resources (not comprehensive) to get you started on your journey to understanding how to discipline your children:
Articles:
- Approaches to Discipline
- Creative Discipline Ideas
- When Should Discipline Begin?
- Is Spanking an Appropriate, Effective Method of Discipline?
- How Do I Get My Strong Willed Toddler to Listen and Obey?
- Successfully Handle Behaviour Problems
- Why Kids Misbehave
- Sibling Rivalry
Books + DVD’s:
- Have a New Kid by Friday – Kevin Leman
- Essentials of Discipline DVD – Focus on the Family
- Raising Kids With a Faith That Lasts DVD – Focus on the Family
- Faith Begins at Home – Mark Holmen
- Sacred Parenting – Gary Thomas
- Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd and Maggy Tripp
- Big Truths for Young Hearts – Bruce A. Ware