“Isn’t it ironic how after making such a huge sacrifice to immigrate to Canada, so that your children to have a better life, your son goes ahead and moves to Korea?”
While I was visiting Vancouver a few months ago, but still living in Korea, that was a statement I overheard someone tell my father. (I am now back living in Canada).
I was born and raised in Canada. My parents left absolutely everything in Korea over 30 years ago so that my sisters and I could have a better life. I even remember my father telling me how when he got off the airplane and landed in Canada, all he had was $10. And with that $10 he bought a watch and got a ride to his parent’s house, who also just recently immigrated.
When my parents moved to Canada, they had absolutely nothing…except family, love, hope for a better future, and God. They moved away from a country where they knew the language, the culture, the history, and the food, and they became aliens, mutes, and deafs in a foreign country called ‘Canada.’
They worked at grocery stores, saved every penny, and did whatever they could do in order to forge a better future for their children. They didn’t want their children to go through what they were going through. They sacrificed.
I am constantly amazed and filled with such gratitude when I reflect upon the sacrifice that my parents went through so that my sisters and I could have a better life. After living abroad for nearly a year and a half, I have discovered just what a privilege it is to be a native speaker of English, and really, what a privilege it is to be Canadian.
Now that I have a daughter of my own, I am beginning to understand the heart of a parent. Instead of buying things for myself, I want to buy things for my daughter. Instead of doing things to benefit myself, I want to do things to benefit my daughter. I want to make sacrifices for my daughter.
I wonder if the love that a parent has for a child is deeper than the love that spouses have for one another? Perhaps it’s deeper because it’s a love that arises out of the love that spouses have for one another. So I guess it’s not necessarily that one love is better or deeper than the other, but it’s that the love for one’s child is a love that is forged from the love that one human being has for another.
Back to sacrifices…
I really do wonder if I could make the same kind of sacrifices, for my children, that my parents did for my sisters and I.
What would that look like in this day and age?
- Not keeping up with the latest gadgets?
- Wearing my clothes until they’re unwearable and then only buying moderately priced clothing?
- Saving up for their post-secondary education?
- Purchasing a home in a safer neighborhood, even if that means higher mortgage payments?
- Buying a safer car, instead of a flashier one?
- Not working excessively so that I could spend more time with my children?
What else? What kind of sacrifices would you make? Was sacrifice modeled to you? And if sacrifice was modeled to you, do you think it’s easier to make that same kind of sacrifice for your children?
Good words. I would add 2 thoughts:
1. Along with day-to-day decision changes, parents also sacrifice individual & couple hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I believe that to parent is to learn how to “die to self” and live for others at a deep heart, mind, and soul level.
2. Sacrifice a lateral view of community (only me and my generation/my friends/people like me) for an intergenerational interdependent mindset. Just as infants are dependant upon parents, so we are challenged to always learn how to value the generations before us and after us as an essential part of life, not the “people who drag us down” but the people who shape us into who we are.
Joel,
Great thoughts and wise words. I can’t even express how much my daughter has affected the way I live – she has definitely made me into a better human. Especially…a softer one.
I think that there is some “parenting gene” that kicks in when people become parents and suddenly this whole other nurturing, un-selfishness, protective nature just lights up and changes the person. i have often heard, and seen, people become radically different once they have a child. suddenly, there’s another facet to someone’s personality that just shows up. itz really kewl and amazing to see!
i think that when that day comes and u are forced to make a “sacrifice” between what is best for you or what is best for your child, it will become apparent to you that you will no longer see it as a “sacrifice,” but as you said, something that you want to do (of course, that doesn’t mean it’s not a sacrifice, but it has a different tone to it than if it was some involuntary thing that u don’t want to do but should kind of action)
plus, ur asian. it’s in our blood! hahaha
Hey Sid,
Good thoughts. I have to say that I partially disagree with you though.
Yes I have seen people become very different, in a positive way, when they have had children, but on the other side, I’ve also seen the selfishness of individuals come out even more so when they become parents. I wish there was some magic antidote, or “parenting gene” that would improve our character over night, but I don’t think that is the case. I think it’s a conscious choice that a parent has to make to be selfless and to put the needs of their child before theirs.